The Long Defeat

Ever had something (a book, a CD, a movie) that just keeps on "coming up" in your life? Or that you just "happen" to stumble upon at a time where it really spoke to you? I've had a lot of those lately. Or maybe I've just become more aware of them. Either way, I usually end up being encouraged in some way or other.

The book 'Mountains Beyond Mountains' by Tracy Kidder has been one of those books for me during this past year. I first stumbled upon it last summer in Tanzania, when one of the other volunteers had it with her. Judging solely by the back-cover description and my volunteer friends' opinion, I thought it sounded like a book that I would enjoy reading, so I tucked the name into the back of my mind. Near the beginning of the school year, I decided to order it from Chapters. I read it during the fall - thoroughly enjoying the whole thing. I was so encouraged by Dr. Paul Farmer (the man that the book is about), and his devotion to providing good health care to all people, in countries such as Haiti, Peru, Cuba and Russia.

Since then, it has been recommended by a friend and classmate, who also told me that one of our profs recommended it in first year, which was why she first read it. And now most recently, one of the songs on a new CD that I have been listening to a lot lately is based on a quote from the book. It is the words that this song is based on that hit me the hardest out of anything that was said in the book. I intended to blog about this right after I finished reading, but life got busy and I just never got around to it. After being reminded of it recently through this song, I thought that I still want to share it with you.

For a bit of background: Dr. Paul Farmer and the author are walking to a village to visit one patient. On the way, the author asks Farmer what he thinks about people's reactions to him, his organization, Partners in Health (PIH), and the work that they are doing.

Part of Farmer's response is this:
"I have fought the long defeat and brought other people on to fight the long defeat, and I'm not going to stop because we keep losing. Now I actually think sometimes we may win."

"You know, people from our background -- like you, like most PIH-ers, like me -- we're used to being on a victory team, and actually what we're really trying to do in PIH is to make common cause with the losers. Those are two very different things. We want to be on the winning team, but at the risk of turning our backs on the losers, no, it's not worth it. So you fight the long defeat."

I totally identify with this idea of fighting the long defeat. Not to be negative, but the problems in this world can often be so overwhelming, and it feels like no matter what I do, it will never be enough to make a difference. It would be so much easier to give up, and not care about anything anymore. But, like Farmer said, at the risk of turning my back on those who actually could use my help, I'm not going to give up. I'm going to keep doing what I can to make a difference, no matter how many bumps or losses there may be along the way.

And finally, here's a few of the words from the song 'The Long Defeat' by Sara Groves. The words in this song remind me that in fighting the long defeat, we carry a heavy burden on our hearts and minds. Thankfully, we don't have to carry it alone - and someone much bigger is helping us to carry it.

i have joined the long defeat
that falling set in motion
and all my strength and energy
are raindrops in the ocean
so conditioned for the win
to share in victor's stories
but in the place of ambition's din
i have heard of other glories

and i pray for an idea
and a way i cannot see
it's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave

i can't just fight when i think i'll win
that's the end of all belief
and nothing has provoked it more
than a possible defeat

and i pray for a vision
and a way i cannot see
it's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave