19/31 - Home

I'm heading home for the weekend tomorrow after work. It's been 5 weeks since I was last there ... so I'm ready to be there again.

Warning - This rambling will probably not make any sense to anyone but me, but it is just something that I felt like I needed to get out.

The whole idea of "home" has been on my mind a lot lately. In some ways, I feel like I haven't really had a 'home' these past couple years, as I've been a bit of a wanderer. My deepest roots are still in Regina, and always will be, due to my family, friends and childhood memories that are there. But I've been tentative to put down roots elsewhere, as it's hard to put them down somewhere when I know that I'm only there temporarily. I'm so thankful for the people who have opened up their homes for me (like the Walls' and Mullers') and helped me to feel welcome - but these places (while comfortable) never really feel like home. At the same time though, Regina doesn't really feel like home either, as it is a much different Regina than I left 4 years ago. I think part of the reason that I've never really felt truly rooted in these places is because I've always been in someone else's home, and never in my own place. I'm feeling ready and excited about having my own little place sometime soon ... wherever that may be.

But while I haven't felt truly rooted to any place recently, I have learned that I can feel at home in any city, or province or country. I know that I can feel truly comfortable in Saskatchewan, Ontario, or Manitoba, but also in Zambia, Tanzania, Estonia or El Salvador. Home is truly where you make it to be - you can't spend your whole life yearning to be somewhere else.

I guess the way that I like to think of it is that I have 'homes' all over the world. In each place, I find new friends, that eventually become like my family there, and as such, I feel at home. And truly, we all have family all around the world! :) Having bits of my heart in all these 'homes' isn't easy, but I wouldn't have it any other way, because it means that I've loved, and opened up my heart - and in my mind, there is no other way to live life.

Right now, I don't know where my next 'home' will be. It may be back in Regina, it may be elsewhere in Canada, or it could be anywhere else in the world. Wherever it is, I look forward to settling in (at least for the time being), and feeling at home again.